All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
