He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
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I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
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He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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