remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
