I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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