i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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