Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
