ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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