Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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