I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
