Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Come on in and take your pants off
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
