Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
