hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
