if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
