I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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