watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
