How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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