My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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