I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
