According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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