I'm really into asian looking animals
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
