i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
