if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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