new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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