Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
