worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
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Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
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shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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