I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
