in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have post one night stand depression
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
