My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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