i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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