saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
