Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
50% drunk capacity currently
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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