can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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