new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
