Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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