dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
