Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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