There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls