You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
