You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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