I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What changed your mind?
Being sober
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
