did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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