i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
