Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
