I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
