I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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