I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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