we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
false alarm, still single
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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