I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
