I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
