Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
