you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
