god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
