Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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