goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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