hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
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tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I pour the whiskey from now on
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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