Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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