i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize