she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
