She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
